It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars return to class."
Hubert Humphrey was asked to be an advisor on a university student's dissertation. A request he accepted with delight. All proceeded well, and on the date the paper was due
the student delivered a nicely bound copy. Two months went by and the student hadn't heard a word. So, he went to Mr.Humphrey's office and asked him what he thought of the paper. "Well," said Mr. Humphrey, "I think it needs to be redone."
Although dejected, the student decided to take another crack at the project.
And two months later, the student delivered the new version to Mr. Humphrey,
and another month went by without hearing a word.
So, again, the student went to see Mr. Humphrey, and again was told the
paper had to be redone.
Totally beside himself, the student went back to the drawing board and
rewrote the paper for a third time.
Two months later he returned to Mr. Humphrey's office with the new term paper in hand, and said to him,
"I've re-researched and rewritten to the extent that I've left no stone unturned and no thought unanalyzed. There is just nothing more I can do."
"OK," said Mr. Humphrey, "I guess I will read this one."
There were five people holding onto a rope that was hanging from a
helicopter. Four were graduates of Florida State University;
the other was a graduate of the University of Florida.
They all decided that one of them needed to let go, because the rope was starting to weaken and they would all die if it broke.
They couldn't seem to decide who would let go, until the University of Florida graduate gave a very touching speech, saying how he would give his life to save the others; he wanted to follow the giving spirit of his school and what he had been taught.
All the Florida State graduates started clapping.
On his first day at work, a recent University of Illinois graduate was handed a broom by his new boss and told to sweep the floor. He looked at the boss with disgust and said,
"Hey! I'm a graduate of the University of Illinois, you know!"
The manager took the broom back and said,
"Really? Sorry about that. Here, let me show you how it's done."
How many Iowa freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It is a sophomore credit.
A high-school student came home one night rather depressed.
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'"
"You know," he replied, "...below C-level."
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!"
Father: "What, son?"
College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?"
Father: "I certainly do."
College student: "Well, you get to keep it."
On my first day of classes at Ballstate U. in Muncie Indiana, I took a front row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five
books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began,
".... Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook........"
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered,
"Relax, he's taking attendance."
An English professor announced to the class;
"In here we will speak proper English. There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?"
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
On the snowiest day of winter, my physiology professor was scheduled to deliver a guest lecture at a college 75 miles away. She managed to drive there, despite the weather, but
only one man showed up to hear her presentation.
When it became obvious that no one else would come, she cut the speech short, gathered her notes and started to leave.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?" the lone listener exclaimed. "I'm the next speaker."
A friend was waiting for a fraternity brother who was dropping his girl-friend off at her dorm. It was curfew, and the housemother flicked the porch light on and off to hasten their good-by's.
Getting no results, she marched out to the porch, where the couple was locked in a heated embrace, and tapped the young man on the shoulder.
"Sorry, lady," he said, briefly looking up. "You'll just have to wait in line like everyone else."
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza.
"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."
"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?"
"Applied psychology."
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?"
Joe answered the correct airline.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" and
John answered, "mom."
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude,longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
